BY JOHN JACKLIN
Some women move in a parallel existence where their hidden world is stranger than fiction, as new book reveals
THE real-life Second World War adventures of a woman linked to Henley and a campaigner against child sex abuse are revealed in an enthralling new book that casts light on the hidden lives of women across the world.
The paperback is an anthology of true stories from women who for the most part have to keep sections of their lives shielded and spans woman covertly fighting the Taliban in Afghanistan to a Christian minister involved in Shamanism and kink and fetish relationships to the world of weight-loss jabs.
The book, Secret Women, What We Hide and Why, is a series of intimate conversations with some interviewees speaking about their hidden lives for the first time and many remaining anonymous for their safety and that of others. According to the author, Vanessa Holburn, some women choose anonymity to avoid being judged by society.
Vanessa says that her latest non-fiction book “comes from my background in writing real life features for magazines and knowing that everybody has a story and you know, in some cases, those stories are secret.
“The majority of the women are given a fake name and any background details that you’d be able to identify them from have been changed. So they are protected and when people are protected, something that they have kept secret they are quite willing to talk about.”
‘An anthology of true stories from women who for the most part have to keep sections of their lives shielded’
Vanessa, 56, says that the first section of the book, about activism and campaigns, has a section that deals with “some survivors of child sexual abuse, domestic abuse, and sexual assault survivors” in which she has interviewed Emma Jane Taylor, a survivor of sexual abuse and now a vocal advocate for people who have been abused. The actress Sam Beckinsale, who suffered years of domestic abuse at the hands of her partner, is also interviewed for the book.
Vanessa says: “Secret Women is written with the women’s own voices, you know, their own stories.
“And then obviously, I’ve added some context, some statistics that bear out what they’re saying. But mostly it’s their stories.
“And while that might have not been what I conceived for the book to begin with, once I had spoken to these women I actually felt that it was their stories in their own words that mattered.
“They talk about things like the shame that they dealt with, the societal shame, and why they didn’t speak up at first, and all those kinds of topics.”
She adds: “In a section called work and self-development, I speak to the sister of a lady who was a wartime Bombe operator. The Bombes were the machines that British cryptologists used to help decipher secret messages that were encrypted by the German’s Enigma machine.
“She was part of the Bletchley Park set-up. She kept her war stories secret until she was in her 80s. But her sister, who is 13 years younger than her, so still alive, lives in Wargrave. And I spoke to her about what it was like finding out that your sister had all these secrets and that she never really got to speak to her much about them. Their parents never knew that this was a role that their daughter was taking on in the war.
“That is so very interesting because people didn’t show off about the war in those days. I think they felt that they had to be quite modest. They had signed the Official Secrets Act as well, which they
adhered to.”
Vanessa, who is a mother of two and lives in Twyford, says: “In the section for activism and campaigns, I speak to some women in Afghanistan who are rebels, political rebels there, and the secret network they have for moving against the Taliban’s many, many restrictions on women, and young girls. These mothers are particularly concerned about things such as a lack of education or healthcare for young girls.”
She adds: “I also speak to animal activists who carry out some of their work in secret because they sometimes find themselves in very intimidating situations. As you can imagine, the people that are responsible for animal abuse are often not people that you would want to know where you live, or other personal details.”
The subject matter could so easily be sensationalised or trivialised but Vanessa allows her interviewees to talk in an undramatic way
Vanessa talks to private investigators and a lady who was a mystery shopper about the need to be discreet in her work. She says that some of the investigators’ discretion is because of the people that they are helping, who need to remain unknown. “Other times it is for their own safety,” she adds. “And that is quite revealing. A middle-aged woman can pass quite undetected in places where a man, if he was trying to investigate something, might be more noticeable, he might seem more intimidating or suspicious.”
The secrets are two elements in a chapter called adult content and the professional mistress. Vanessa says: “Obviously some women are not only keeping a secret about what they do for a living, but they also keep the secrets of the people that come and use their services.”
In the third section of the book, called personal relationships, there are four chapters: Lesbian Lives; Secret Love Affairs; Kink and Fetish Relationships; and Hypersexuality as a result of Incest. The subject matter could so easily be sensationalised or trivialised but Vanessa allows her interviewees to talk in an undramatic way
“So I speak to a lesbian couple who for a long period in their lives were in denial about their sexuality and they were married to men. One drowned her sorrows in alcohol. It’s interesting to see how the secret, just hiding their sexuality, in that instance affected their lives, what happened, and a couple of secret love affairs, why people have got into that, why they didn’t speak up.
“There are also people that are into the kink and fetish scene and another lady who speaks about hypersexuality, which is a modern term for being a sex addict or a nymphomaniac, which was a result of incest. So in some ways she’s a survivor, but it’s interesting how she feels, or how she knows women aren’t judged for having a sexual habit.”
The final section, Vanessa says, is about being oneself. “I talk to women who follow witchcraft and the occult, but, you wouldn’t know that if you walked down the street and saw them. They are not dressed in pointy hats and stuff like that. They know that they need to keep those beliefs secret.
“Likewise, a woman who is actually a church minister, but she does practise neo-Shamanism. She knows very well the church does not accept that kind of thing, but she finds it helps the people that come to her for help. And so she combines it.”
Vanessa at various book launches and signings and outside the Bell Bookshop in Henley town centre.
‘It is comforting, that sense of sisterhood, if you like, that women are prepared to talk about these issues’
Vanessa also talks to women about their neurodiversity and mental health and asks why they feel the need to keep their diagnosis secret. She speaks to women who use the weight-loss jabs in secret about their fears of being known to use such products.
“So some of the book is quite serious, but there are comedic aspects of it as well. I suppose, overall, I’m looking at reasons of why do women particularly have to keep secrets and sadly it’s often for their own personal safety.”
She adds: “A lot of the women that I spoke to felt they wanted to share so that if somebody younger than them, for example, was reading the book they would know not to do as they have done, not to keep a secret that can drag you down, that can isolate you, that can prevent you from perhaps getting the treatment that you need or living a life to its fullest.
“And it is comforting, that sense of sisterhood, if you like, that women are prepared to talk about these issues.”
Are women better at keeping secrets than men? “I don’t know that they’re better, but I think they probably need to keep secrets more. Personal safety is right up there, being the physically, typically physically smaller gender and living in a society where there is recognised problems with violence against women and girls.
“You know, that that is an aspect of being able to keep yourself private and secret and discreet that perhaps men don’t need to.”
Vanessa is candid when asked whether she has kept secrets herself? “I wouldn’t say no,” she smiles.
Secret Women (River Light Press) is available from all good bookshops.
Her other books include: The Amritsar Massacre: The British Empire’s Worst Atrocity; How To Pick a Puppy; Surviving the Holocaust and Stalin; How to Be an Activist; and The Profumo Affair.